My phone carrier does not block calls and the call rejection app I have will block the call but they can leave a message on my voice mail. My question, which you claim is insulting is what me and thousands of others are asking regarding this same experience. I admire and respect those individuals highly.
The diabetic was coached by her friends on how to obtain a disability check. This person always has used people to get her way. I am not the only one that has dropped this hot potato. If she contacts you at all after that then you have legal legs to stand on. Her repeatedly calling you does constitute legal Harassment which is covered by a restraining order.
Here is a link with a good write up of the information related to it and how to get one. I had to change my phone number.
She sent a text from her Yahoo account and demanded to know why I did not answer the phone or tell her where I was. Then she wanted me to take off work to go to the store to buy her some food. Jenny, what do you call a person who lays in bed all day watching Madea DVDs, fantasizing about have a sexual relationship with Tyler Perry, who does not exercise and follow a low cholesterol diet? Jenny already bowed out of this conversation.
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The problem is that there are those of us who work our asses off to not be the two women that have caused you so much grief. Both of you are right in your own ways. I know I spend a good portion of my time with folks telling them how to insulate themselves from toxic people who use their mental illness as an excuse. So yeah, not really worth continuing to argue about.
Ah that sucks man. I apologise for stating this was not the place to post the comment. I took this very personally. Which was wrong but I have just come off a nightshift taking care of others and saving lives and it hit a very raw nerve. Where do we get the balance of open expression and discrimination?
We are not all the same. Anyway- your blog. Apologies to you Dennis. No worries, Jenny. People will just harbor the same negative thoughts without openly expressing them. Not that I think Bevo falls in that camp of people. Hatred and dickitry are just part of human existence in general.
I have been laying here this morning reading all of your posts from this month. I try to learn as much as I possibly can about the disorder. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, during this time he had threatened to break up with me several times and actually did back in September.
He moved out and got his own place while I was gone. I called him when I got home and we met and he explained that he just needed his space. Later that week he told me that he never wanted to see me again. He eventually moved back in my apartment in October. Things were pretty good for a while, I mean there were still episodes of cycling bad behavior toward me but not too bad.
Well a few weeks ago I started noticing something where he seemed to be going a little deeper than the hypomanic state. His face seems to change and it usually gets bad when this happens. I have seen it several times over a period of time. I just try to give him space when he gets like this. No note, no nothing! Just gone!! I had a feeling that day that when I got home he would be gone! I was right!! I was so heart broken and devastated. I cried and went immediately into panic mode!! I called him several times and text him a few times with no response. It was awful. I waited to hear from him but nothing.
So, Wednesday I sent him an email asking that he please explain. I just wanted closure and that it was okay because I could be happy with or without him in my life, but I just wanted to know. This is what he wrote back; Dear, I am a big fat coward, but not a cheater!!!! It was one of the hardest desicions in my life! But, I need do that for the best of us!
I realized, that I got some social,financial and personality issues that avoid to be myself. And those issues made become someone bitter and frustrated with myself and the ones around me! Look for someone who have high moral values, care, and love for you!!! There is no rush to go out with guys, that only will offer u sex! Any one out there is up for that, specially with pretty woman like you!! But church. Oh, well hope you the best as you deserve! Always gonna be in my heart as the most caring and loving woman that I have ever been!! Now English is his second language so that is the reason for some typos.
I did email him back and told him that he was not a coward and that I still respected him and I will honor his wishes. The next day I was going to need some help doing a job on Saturday. Well, to my surprise he did help me last Saturday then he took me out for lunch and we went back to my place. We spent the day and night together, he left that Sunday afternoon, but came back later to help me pick up a bed and put it together.
I called him and text him on Friday to make sure. That was it. I told him to have fun and I would too. Truth is I am crushed! I remember just the week before he told me that he was so glad to have someone in his life that was so supportive! It really is so crushing to go through this! I miss him terribly, but I am giving him his space and just concentrating on working and bettering myself, inside and outside! I do lots and lots and lots of research on bipolar disorder and have tried to learn as much as possible about.
I feel like I could write a book about it from all the knowledge that I have acquired! I love this guy more than anyone could imagine. I had to change some what to help control his behavior and for some reason I did not mind! So, unlike me! I think I just wrote a mini book right here!! On a serious note though, I have to admit that I do pray that he comes back. I just am not sure what to do right now and what to do if he does come around again.
I feel pretty confident that he will. Thanks in advance for your input! Happy Memorial Weekend! I can identify a lot with his sentiments. And it was about four years before I did. I think once he gets back, I would have a discussion with him. Tell him that you love him and want to be his partner, but he has to treat you like a partner and extend trust to you.
So he should definitely get in to see a doctor. Most of us are used to dealing with the shit in our minds on our own.
I know I do. Thank you for your insight! I found out this weekend that he lied to me about going out of town. By some kind of fluke I found out where he lives. I saw his motorcycle and truck. I thought that it was odd because of the holiday weekend, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I went home, but something kept nagging me about it. So, for some reason I decided to drive back there late that night just to see what my conscience was trying to tell me.
Low and behold his truck was not there. It was a quarter til 12 and I know that he has to be at work at 7. So, now what. Has he been seeing someone, is he seeing someone? Seems like it! You are the only ones who have the understanding as to what is going on here. I have a lot of time and research invested in this guy.
Not to mention that I am in love with him. Now I wonder if he will come back. I hear all the advice about run away and never look back. All the heartache they cause. So, everyone runs out of their lives, then what? Man, this is a tough place to be in. I am beside myself!! I just want the pain to go away! I feel nauseated right now! Sleeping a few hours and waking up with him not there.
Missing him, wanting to hate him, wondering if he is with someone!!! Goodness, there are so many guys that are hitting on me trying to get me to go out with them and I could care less!! I have never had this to happen. I am the one who breaks it off with someone after a while of putting up with jealousy and trying to be controlled. I know I am a people pleaser and always seem to make the wrong decisions when it comes to men!
After all is said and done there is no doubt that I love him. Question is should I just leave him be and when he crashes he will come around?
Does no contact work like in other relationships? Goodness, so many questions!! Just hurting right now!! Through a fluke you found out where he is now living? Or did you put in some effort to find out? I ask because it seems a bit too coincidental and is important for my next point.
Companies tend to schedule those things whenever is most convenient for them. Major companies usually only look at Christmas and Thanksgiving since they are such family-oriented holidays as the only ones not to intrude on. At least in my experience. I would be hesitant to jump to a solid conclusion until I confronted him and talked to him directly about it.
Bipolar Disorder aside. The question becomes why did he come to help you when you needed it and agreed to see you and such- because humans are stupid. To answer your questions. What we do post crash is dependent on the individual. Many of us will just shake our heads and note another disaster in our lives; others will try and patch things up. If he wanted to be with you, he would be. It blows to have a deep, unrequited love. I nursed one for years myself, before my spine and testicles grew in. But I think the Disorder is playing less of a role here than you probably think.
Bipolar Disorder creates irrationality out of mostly rational circumstances. First: Thanks, Grimm, for your reply to my post a few weeks back. I will try to remember your advice about the epiphany to fully recognize and respond to the disorder. My ex and I have emailed a few times since my post. While he is able to write and communicate better than he has been in many years, he is not taking his disorder into account as he talks about planning his life.
I have mistaken hypomania for health in the past. Perhaps I can remember the epiphany that you describe as a guide post for if he is well, or if he is cycling. I would give anything to have the kind of closure she had! But, he did write, describe feelings, talk about their relationship, wish her well, and returned when she really needed him. I would have been like Cheynne. I would have thought of the disorder first as the guiding factor. Cheynne, it pains me to say this, but I think Grimm is right that he wants out of the relationship.
Maybe he is using the illness as an excuse. But, he is giving your a thoughtful, coherent statement and you have to trust it. It took 5 years for me to recently get hat kind of statement. I have spent several weeks trying to process why, when the man I love has finally returned and told me he loves me, am I not reeling with joy. Why does it feel like closure to me when I know he is testing the waters for a new beginning?
He can say how he feels and what he wants — and that does feel good to me. But, without a cohesive plan that includes how to care for himself, his mental health, it is nothing more than a validation that what we had was real. Without a clear and proactive understanding that his mental health care is critical to him and us, then it is a closure — not an opening. I am not sure I have helped Cheynne at all. But, than you for your post. The juxtaposition helped me. And, thanks, Grimm, for the epiphany. Your ex might not realize that he needs to take the Disorder into account for planning his future, unfortunately.
Jennifer, you may want to suggest Cognitive Therapy to your ex. If you convince your ex that he needs to build on these skills, then I would suggest it or even look into books about it. I did cognitive therapy for about a year and a half or so and I learned a lot of management skills that I will be using the rest of my life.
I am sorry. If you have only known him one month. I have had a run around with a bipolar FRIEND that practically scarred me and now I have to deal with my decision to allow him in my social life there are very interconnected circles and reasons why this is right while still dealing with the emotional aftermath. If I had known at the beginning…it probably would have turned out the same but boy is it still painful and difficult to let go of that beginning rush that seemed so real… that he said was not mutual friendship adoration when I know that it was.
The relationship that had the most severe impact in my life was with a girl who no doubt-ably was bipolar or possibly even schizophrenic. She made the step in two periods of my life to get involved with me. She had a bad reputation but in meeting her and also knowing some family troubles in her past that I sympathized with, I put my trust in her. The first time around I always proceeded cautiously even though she would tell me she wanted to be much more than just a friend or friend with benefits to me, I always kept some armor on. She would not show up on dates, keep a very strangely private life, flip out on me, and what i know for sure today engage herself in other relationships one with a boyfriend she said she ended it with but never fully did.
This go around I eventually just moved on with the possible thought of her being bipolar or more so just immature and needing to grow up still. Long story short more recently, she would reach out to me again telling me she never lost feelings, coming up with reasons for why she acted the way she did, and furthermore confirming a certainly that she wanted to be with me and would do anything to make things work and do things the right way.
I, having real feelings for this girl, from remembering the good times forgot all the bad times and again put all my trust in her, worst than the first time. She said she was sure and although a few weeks really seemed like it was true. I would then find out that all this time, again, she was still with her boyfriend, still doing the same thing with many guys. I ripped her apart for this as having all the truth exposed in front of my eyes and also by people who knew what she was doing, felt like a knife in my heart, and no matter how lucky i know I am not to have ended up with her still hurts.
She would try to reach out to me one more time, I would say to leave me alone and stop and then a very short time after that she would get engaged. I know there are people out there that suffer from being bipolar or schizophrenic but they make the steps to get help and do whats best not to hurt people. The others that continue to run over people and use people without remorse are horrible people regardless of whats out of their control. I personally believe any way nothing is completely out of ones control. I happily admit I talk to a therapist for the things that bring me down or effect me not to let it effect others.
A therapist who agrees people can change but need to make the effort. The worst part about my specific situation is that the girl is friends with someone in my family and unfortunately continues to do so. So its kind of unavoidable that I will have to see this person again. The person in my family who knows her knows what happened but having a previous long friendship with the person I guess feels sympathy or just accepts it of her, even though she has been a bad friend to my family member as well. Sort of something i will just have to forget and just deal with.
Nobodies perfect, nor me , nor anyone, but life is to short to choose to do things the way this person did and Unfortunately will keep doing. Your post has many typical points of the kind of thing that we Bipolars end up doing to people. Thanks for sharing your story. You are absolutely right in that sometimes you just have to cut the cords and let a person go who is steeping your life in chaos. Grimm, thanks for your insights. She was diagnosed about 4 years ago after a breakdown. In hindsight, it had been coming for quite a long time but we were not an informed family and just thought she had a lot on her plate, and that was why she was acting the way she was.
She did receive counselling and medication but decided that her triggers were environmental, and that she was now more knowledgeable and could manage her surroundings so she could stay level. Her home is peaceful and light; she structures her days so there is a good routine; she has a loving supportive husband who is also pretty savvy about her condition. Something happened last week. They told me it was hard to get a word in edgewise; she was caught up in the revelation and her insight. The insight? She also told me to not contact her, her children or her husband EVER again, that she would not be reading or answering anything that came from me.
I was shocked and as you can imagine, hurt. I will wait and see, unfortunately. I did send her a text in the hope she would read it. I told her I would respect her wishes, that I love her and will miss her, but would not contact her again. I go through what feels like mourning when I lose her.
Any suggestions on where to go from here? Thanks for your insight. Hello, Katherine. I sympathize with you because of the painful action your daughter has taken. Her epiphany sounds like standard manic thinking. Best thing you can do is just be patient and take a step back. Clarity in our extremities is one of the reasons we can do so much damage to our lives.
As an example, when I was 18 I moved to California from Ohio because someone offered me a bus ticket. I had no money, no job, no plan; nothing. But it was the best goddamn idea I ever had! To make a long story short- I assure you it was not the best goddamn idea I ever had.
You have to be patient and let her come back down. I think I would wait 2 or 3 months and try sending another email or phone call. And just keep repeating that process. What is clear is that she is not managing the Disorder as well as she probably thinks she is, otherwise she never would have reached this extreme. I suspect that you will eventually end up with a phone call and a tearful apology in the future thought. After that occurs, then you should take the time to sort out your hurt and grievance with her choice. Trying to do it now and argue about it will just alienate her further and push her further into her manic cycle.
It sounds like your daughter needs to be medicated. Bear in mind, I am just a mental patient with an opinion. It may go that way, it may not. If you find another opinion that fits better for you; pursue away. So when you do finally get back in amicable contact with her, urge to speak to her doctor about a mood stabilizer to prevent escalations like this again. I was a bit weary, seeing as though it was a blind date, but we hit it off rather well and he had asked me for my number. The next couple of days he was very, very persistent in wanting to see me and take me on a date.
So I gave in. He took me bowling, and it was easily the best date I had ever been on. I felt comfortable right off the bat, and we were both fully enjoying ourselves. After the first date, he had consistently asked to see me almost every evening. He had expressed to me that he has never been treated the way I treat him kindness and compliments, and telling him how excited I was to be spending time with him.
He was very happy with my attitude towards him, and continued to pursue me. But one day out of the blue that we had planned to spend together , and when I contacted him that day, he was rather irritable with me. I proceeded to tell him it was okay, and that I had forgiven him. He told me it was not okay, and that he felt terrible for canceling our plans for that day. I said to not worry about it, that we can reschedule, and he agreed. He had agreed to have me come over to his house to relax with him. I arrived at his house, and instead if greeting me with a hug and a few kisses per usual, he stood there and looked at me.
But still no kisses, like I was used to. Later on, after this strange behavior, we went outside because I wanted a smoke, and he asked me what was on my mind. Then he told me it was because he is not on the market for a girlfriend, and he had no direction with this little relationship we had going on. I expressed how confused I was, because he had taken me on dates, and whenever we were together, we acted as if we were dating for years.
He would hold my hand wherever we went, kiss me on impulse, and enjoy our time together.
He lectures me on my behavior and tells me how irrational I am when I ask to spend time with him. His responses are out of sync with mine when we discuss the matter. I scrolled all the way back to when we first started texting and dating, and I swear, he sounds like two different people. His cousin told me that he also believes, lets call him David, is bipolar. My friend that is engaged to his cousin is also bipolar, thinks that David is bipolar. And now, because of this possible bipolar disorder, he wants nothing to do with me. I believe that if he truly is bipolar, I met him in his manic stage, and he was happy and took me on expensive dates, and wanted to talk to me constantly.
Does anyone else think he could be bipolar? I would have a conversation with him. Are you willing to see a doctor and do something about it? I care a lot about you but I will not be treated badly because of it. I would also try and recruit all these other people that know and care about him to try and get through to him. Now- I would be hesitant to completely write him off. Yes, being involved with a Bipolar person can be extremely tough and extremely painful.
But I think the depression is clouding his emotions at the moment. Bipolar mood swings typically start somewhere. And I suspect that the two of you meeting and hitting it off may have been the catalyst that kicked that manic period into motion. One thing you can look at is how he acted on the first date compared to the second. And not only all of that, but now be denies having feelings for me.
I like you a lot. You are amazing and unbelievable. I am just so confused, and hurt, and humiliated, and slightly angry. I know that if he is bipolar, there is some explanation to his behavior, and I will have to be more patient with him. Thank you in advance for any advice. I would chalk it up to being Bipolar for the time being. You have every right to feel the way you do. Yes, you can understand that a person may have a mental health issue.
They have to understand that their wellness is up to them. I will continue to treat you like the mind-blowing, awesome, amazing girl that you are. And regardless of your state of mind, I will not let you treat me badly or without respect. You need to make a choice to continue to live with these foul moods and instability; or do something about it.
Thank you both for the advice, I really appreciate it. I do plan on having a heart-to-heart with him when he is out of his depressive state. Thank you, once again, for your advice. Take good care of yourself. It might not ever come back. Focus on you. I have been fortunate, I have generally responded well to treatment for over 15 years. However, I suspect that for most people, responding well is not the same thing as not having any symptoms. The rest of my comments are based on my personal experience. I suspect it is not uncommon. Especially when well-treated, my bipolar symptoms are extensions of otherwise normal and appropriate feelings and perceptions.
So, I am a little dissappointed…but for the whole weekend, not just while I am making my plans on Friday. So, I am angry…but I tell him so in a mean way or I fire off an email and copy an inappropriate person. So, I want to say thank you to her…but I send a big bunch of flowers, a ten-screen text message, an e-mail, or all of them.
In each case, the intent is normal…but the action is just a little over the top. Enough to be harmful, but not always enough to be recognized as out of character. Over time these can be especially hurtful in friendships or partnerships. A recent example: I have a long-time, very close female friend. We each have partners but we both agree that in other circumstances the relationship could have gone in another direction. Several times over the years I have said things that made us uncomfortable — still appropriate — but crossing over that line.
The first time I did this, I nearly lost a dear friend of 5 years. Hello, Jeff. So I do the same sorts of things and overstep boundaries from time to time. I spent a lot of time studying typical interactions though and really worked on fixing my social processes from an autistic point of view. So with your female friend for example; you could always explain that it is never your intention to overstep any bounds but being Bipolar you periodically misjudge where the bounds are.
You should talk with your friend more at length about this. It may help her.
- What Loved Ones Can Do.
- School Teacher with Bipolar Disorder Working in Education - Bipolar Blog;
- Support for People with Depression!
- Escape: Pearls of Travail.
- Another Girl;
- Target Leadership: Managers Manage - Leaders Influence - Target Leaders Inspire.
- Obsessive Bipolar Thoughts.
I have no doubt you genuinely care for your friend and your friendship is strong as you have been friends for 5 years. She will be recognising this behaviour in you.. My family and friends recognise those moments in me too and have learned over time to assist in the grounding me. It does help as you get older I think — I see a bit difference in how I react at 35 to how I reacted even at We may not be unwell as such but when you live with a mood disorder and spend a long time focusing on how to keep your mood stable, you can sometimes lose perspective too.
I recognise myself doing that anyway. But as you pointed out; the drastic ones are very identifiable by the people that know you. I always encourage people to let the people they can trust in on how these things work because they often have a clearer perspective than we do about our own mentality. Wow…I wish I would have found this site 3 months ago. All of the same type of stories as mine. My wife left me after 8 months of being married after being diagnosed with major depression…she told me she thought she had manic depression and needed to do something about it.
She lost 20 lbs in a month, started being way more social, and unintentionally sneaky…and I came home one night after work and everything she owned was gone…without any warning. I saw her a week later and she looked like she was on drugs and talking funny. Dyed her hair orange and then brown…from blonde her whole life. She was very self-inflated.. The strange thing is that she told before this happened that she thought she was manic depressive which caused her to seek treatment…but was diagnosed with major depression. Good thing my wife moved back in with her Mom…the good news is that her stepsister confirmed that was she was moving in with her Dad and stepmom…who actually care for her.
All I can do is just pray.
Maintaining Friendships And Relationships With Bipolar Disorder
I struggle with blood-stained knowledge and loss of your flighty soul, But for our lineage and forbearer I will suffer until the day I am dead! Mindy yawns whilst hastily serving up food and packing lunches, An extra plate is prepared and she serves her husband as he lays in, The boys, brunette like their father, eat speedily and leave their plates, She checks their uniforms and their school bags before herding them out, All three bundle into the dented, purple, aging saloon. The key is turned, Chug, chug and silence.
Cursing in her mind the haggard woman climbs out, The bonnet popped, leads attached and as usual the vehicle is jumped from another battery. In the hospital she is an invisible presence pottering from ward to ward, The medical staff are blind to her as she mops floors, scrubs toilets and changes beds, The trust struggles to maintain nurses and cuts had to be made to cleaning staff, Mindy has a thankless extra workload.
For seven hours she toils knowing that the man who promised to cherish her rests. Back through traffic she poodles, returning to collect her babies. The washing basket is overloaded. Filthy dishes and a sprawling husband meet her, Mindy cuts herself peeling potatoes and scalds her hand when washing up, Mop, bucket, duster, spray, more bleach.
She moves from room to room fatigued. Clothes are hung on the airer and another bundle shoved in. Her husband sleeps, Only waking when handed his roast, he eats and complains about hard carrots. The boys need help with their homework. They need a bath. They need a drink. Her husband demands money, his mates are in the pub. A release from nagging wives, She sighs, the bills are mounting. He holds his fat, soft hand out and she fills it sadly.
The boiler is broken, has been for some time. She builds a fire from litter in the hearth, Plastic melts on her stinging hand. The boys run in and out soiling tiles with dirty prints, The mopping begins again. Mindy is tired, not just sleepy, tired of living. The boys argue. None of her friends come around now, she is too ashamed of her home, Ashamed of a home she slaves to keep.
Ashamed of a bullish husband, depressed by apathy. There is no light ahead for Mindy. She cries in the bathroom alone whilst wiping the sink, Or pulling hair from the scum laced shower plug, in the next room her sons bounce, A slat snaps and she rushes in dutifully to fix it, over the years becoming adept at caretaking. The bedtime story is ignored, music booms and the lads bicker even though bed time has passed. Midnight, she cleans again, the children are silent.
She hates waking up to mess, She dozes until woken by the front door banging at two in the morning. Mindy lays still. Every woman in the street knows why. A rusty barely red gate splits, Cutting the wall down the middle, Elegantly highlighting a paved garden path, Leading to the clear, glass porch with sliding, grubby windows, A few, flaking, bronzing trees litter the grassy overgrowth to the front. Cars rarely pass through, The Parish, remote, peaceful, The small cottage provides enough room, One aging man and his faithful, lively sheepdog, Occasionally he emerges in his peaked cap to collect fuel.
Once a week he leaves, Driving to the Parish Tavern, Smiling cheerfully as he opts to sit alone, A knowledgeable man, well aware of all local news, Isolated by his own weakness, his own fear of outsiders. Cage The Cage Cold and dark with gaudy green paint, A nude cell with a stone bed and flat mattress, Buzzing light breaking the silence, A rough blanket slung carelessly, no pillow, The toilet a shameful hole in the floor, A small, barred window too high to grab daylight, How did I get here? Mania, the Doctor said, foolish behaviour, A night of drink and drag racing with a sirened car, Urgency and uncontrollable excitement, A night of spinning with the handbrake and rallying, My silver Accord became a toy to vent, A dangerous weapon, I chastise my own insanity, Will I suffer another episode?
Will I always be enslaved by my own mind? Do not cry Do not cry for my body, it was nothing but a shell, Never constant, ever changing and renewed, So how can it be me? Do not cry for my beliefs, the human mind errs, Crippled by chemical instinct and emotions, So how can they be me? Do not cry for my learning, societal manipulation, Culturally bias to control the sub structures, So how can it be me? Be the first to write a review. Add to Wishlist. Ships in 7 to 10 business days. Link Either by signing into your account or linking your membership details before your order is placed.
Description Product Details Click on the cover image above to read some pages of this book! In Stock. NeuroTribes The legacy of autism and how to think smarter a Heal Your Headache.